brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
This house was built for laser tag.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Randomize
