He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
