he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
