We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
