Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
