drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
