Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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