It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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