Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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