we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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