Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
The uberlube is also flammable
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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