Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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