I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
