call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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