He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
