fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
