Can i not drive my cunt home
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
