mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
We just shotgunned beers for America
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
