bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
