just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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