Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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