It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
