Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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