We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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