If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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