There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize