bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
