remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
