actually, I'm a sock model
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
