RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
