just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
