If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
