I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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