Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I touched a dick in church today
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
