Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
