Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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