No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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