I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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