We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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