clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize