People in love make me want to vomit
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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