A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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