You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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