lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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