He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
