you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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