"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
