So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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