how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
