Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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