no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I would ride that face into the sunset
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
