Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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