So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
