the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
