Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
i now understand why vodka
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize
