She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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