i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
