How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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