don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
