Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
