So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
