So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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