Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
