I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
