So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
