Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize