Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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