6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
