How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Randomize