A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
